I’m back!

Hello! Remember me? Sorry that I’ve been AWOL for a while but I’ve been working on my mental health a lot! I’m just finishing up on a high intensity 12 week CBT programme, which I might write about at a later date….I haven’t decided yet.

Anyway, I was just looking through my laptop and came across a poem that I wrote a few months ago. I thought I’d share it because if anyone else feels the same way, you can see that you aren’t alone. So, without further ado, please enjoy this poem and I’ll speak to you all soon! ✌💚

Please accept this poem,
As I try to explain who I am,
The way I think and the way I feel,
In the best way that I can.

Sometimes I get angry,
And say things I regret,
Sometimes I act strangely,
And do things I later forget.

There are times in which I’m anxious,
And my inner voice gets loud,
I know there’s a way I can block it,
But I’ve yet to figure out how.

There are days where I feel worthless,
And I wish away my time,
I put on a smile, keep back the tears,
And put your happiness before mine.

It’s difficult to stop what I say,
But I bite my tongue when I can,
Sometimes, some things just slip right out,
But I’m sorry, that’s just who I am

So please accept this poem,
As I learn to love myself,
I have my perks, I have my quirks,
But so does everybody else.


A more positive note.

Hello, dears! I know my last post was long and mundane, so I thought I’d write something more positive.

About 18 ish months ago, I found and joined a Facebook group called Women’s Advice Group – Mental Health Support. This was around the time that my mental health was bad so I thought that maybe I could gain something from the group and help with my recovery. 

I’m not in any way sexist but I think that the fact the group is for women aged 18+ only, makes me feel like I can be a little more open and wont get silly remarks from childish people. I find that women who want to help you can form one of the strongest bonds with you because 9 times of 10, they’re either going or have gone through similar struggles. 

So a couple of months ago, I saw that the admins of the group were advertising for another admin to join them. Having been in the group for a little while, I messaged them with a little bit about me and my mental health etc and lo and behold (I think that’s the saying?) I was accepted! 

I started off on a trial so that I could get a feel for what admins do and I have to say, I’ve never felt more welcome in a group before! I was excited to learn the protocols and the rules of being an admin but I was also kinda nervous – the group is a big group (circa 3,900 ish members) and I didn’t want to make a bad impression.

Part of being an admin is having to make sure all posts have the relevant trigger warnings, and to make the group a great place to be. I’d like to think I’ve made some new friends from this group (one is a penpal 😀) and hopefully, can make some more. 

I’ll leave a link to the group here but it is a closed group. If you’d like to join please don’t hesitate! There’s lots of lovely women who just want to help support those in need of it.

Peace and love to you all ✌💚


Disclaimer: I do not own the image I’ve used. It belongs to Women’s Advice Group – Mental Health Support. 

Things will get better…right?

I’m going to start this post in the way that seems to be the norm lately; I’m sorry for the lack of content. When I started this blog, I was fully intending to post on a regular basis but I guess that didn’t go to plan…

Truth is, these last couple of months have been shit, to put it bluntly. I mean, life isn’t great at the best of times, but they have been shitter than shit – a big dollop of horse manure with a cherry on top, if you like. I could go on but I think you get the jist. It probably doesn’t help that I keep forgetting to take my medication. I know, but it’s easily done!

So if anyone is a regular reader of this blog (thank you if you are) you will know that in December, I moved out of my shit hole flat in Fyfield, Hampshire and into a gorgeous flat in Salisbury, Wiltshire. I loved it. I was so relieved to get into a place that wasn’t damp, cold and smelly! Mum and I moved in together and were planning all sorts; like how we would have the living room, how would we share bills/rent etc. But that didn’t go to plan either because my older brother needed a place to live, so he came along too. 

Things got tense….I mean really tense. Mainly because it was unexpected and not according to plan (as mentioned in one of my previous posts, not sticking to a plan triggers my anxiety…a lot) and this was a big ‘curve ball’. Can you imagine 3 individuals living in a 2 bed flat? It got a bit crowded, and bills were higher, and it felt like mum and I intruded on my brother’s privacy because his ‘bedroom’ was the living room. There was also the factor of our landlord not knowing he was there – clever!

Then June came along and I received a text that really set the mood for us. The text said:

“Hi Laura I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately my mum is having to sell the flat as she is going through a divorce. She has asked if she could come over on Thursday afternoon or Friday with an estate agent to value the flat & then it will be put up for sale. With regards to your tenancy we will unfortunately have to give you 2 months notice at some point in the near future. I’m really sorry x”


Luckily, we found a 2 bed council flat that we’re waiting to be ready for us to move in to. I wont go into detail but applying for that was a polava as well!

On top of all that my brother went away at the end of July, and wont return until December time. This was a big hit for me. Going from sibling banter everyday to maybe one phone call a week is big difference. It actually makes me feel quite lonely, even though I still have mum and Leo, it’s not quite the same as your sibling, you know? 

Anyway, sorry this has been a long post. If you managed to read all of it then I applaud you! I’ll try and post more often but for now – peace and love to you all ✌💚

Product Review: Fidget Cube

Those of you who read my previous posts will know that I purchased a Fidget Cube about 2 or 3 weeks ago, and I said I would review it – so here it is 😀

I’m one of these people that constantly has to have something in my hand. If I don’t, I resort to biting my fingers and making them sore (I don’t realise I do it half the time), which I’d say is down to the fact I’m always worried or anxious about something or other. So when I saw an ad on Facebook for a Fidget Cube, I was instantly hooked. This product was created to “satisfy every fidget” and is a “good tool for ADHD & concentration” **

I’ve yet to see one in a shop but a number of online websites sell them. The cube I bought retailed at just £3 from wish.com, and they’re available in a number of different colours. 

The actual size of the cube is perfect to fit in your pocket or handbag, and the spacing between each activity is good. Obviously, because it’s a cube, there are 6 faces, each with different things on. I’ve described them below.

This is the face that I’ve assigned as the front (mainly because it’s a different colour!) It’s 5 simple buttons that you can press. I press them in a particular pattern, just to make things a bit more interesting, that goes:

  • Top Left, 
  • Middle, 
  • Top Right, 
  • Middle, 
  • Bottom Right, 
  • Middle, 
  • Bottom Left.

On the top of the cube, there’s a joystick that is excatly like a video game controller. You can move it in any direction and can also press it in. This is one of my favourite sections.

This is the right face. As you can see, it has a metal ball which you can roll in any direction, and 3 cog like sections that spin left and right. This is probably my least favourite side because the cogs click when they’re turned, so if you’re turning all 3 at the same time, it can get quite annoying.

This is the left face, which contains a disk that you can spin either clockwise or anti-clockwise. This one is good for if you just have your hand in your pocket and need to do something, because it doesn’t make a noise, and you don’t need any effort to move it.

This is the back, and another one of my favourites. It’s simply a switch (like a light switch.) If you’re using your thumb for the front face, this face is perfect for your index and middle fingers to alternate between ‘on and off’. The positioning correlation between these 2 faces seems very well thought out.

This is the bottom face. It doesn’t really have an ‘activity’ as such because it’s just an imprinted face where you can put your thumb. It’s quite satisfying to the touch but doesn’t do anything for my brain.

I would say that the design of this product is very successful. I like that there are a number of different textures on the item and I love the reasoning behind the product. I rate it 10/10 and would definitely recommend it. It’s one of my favourite purchases.

Peace and love to you all ✌💚


Latest Endeavours

Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a very awkward person, and I detest meeting new people. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember. When it comes to being socially active, I have the social skills of a wet wipe, so the thought of physically meeting someone new scares the shit out of me.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling quite down about myself and my social situation. I’ve had one real friend since 6th form who I still speak to, but as time goes on, I realise we’re growing into 2 very different people – so much so that I struggle to find a topic of conversation anymore. This saddens me alot because I have no other proper friends apart from this person.

So these past few days, I’ve been asking myself ‘how can I make new friends without actually meeting new people?’ and the answer to that is to find a penpal. Yesterday, I signed myself up to a website where you can find people looking for penpals and I’ve already had a positive response. I’ve received emails from around 7 different people, asking if I want to exchange letters with them! Although the idea of introducing myself to a complete stranger is still daunting, I’ve found it a lot easier than if I was to approach these people in person. It will be much easier when we get to know each other more and exchange more and more letters, but for now, I’m concentrating on not making a complete arse of myself by saying something stupid. I know it’s early days but I’m hoping to find some good friends.

If you’re in a similar situation to me and find yourself lacking in the friend department, I would recommend trying a penpal because you can go at your own pace, and you can talk in the comfort of your own home.

I might update you guys in a couple of months if I get anywhere with this endeavour. Let’s see what happens.

Peace and love to you all ✌💚


Image may contain: 2 people

Source: Meadowlark’s Official Facebook

Meadowlark are an enchanting duo from the UK and I’ve been a fan of them for a couple of years. I first heard of singer Kate from her Youtube channel, who then shared the news on social media that she had paired with Dan to create this wonderful partnership (they originally had a 3rd person, who later decided to part ways). The pair have been producing awe-inspiring sounds ever since.

They have a main website, which is quite simplistic but allows you to navigate to all the desired areas, particularly links to their social medias.

What I like about the band are the angelic melodies which are sung in harmony with either piano or guitar or both. I also like the fact that there are lots of percussive sounds in the songs – not just your bog standard kick and snare drum. The songs are all well constructed, with the majority of them beginning with a nice riff in the introduction, quiet chords in the verses and then a mixture of both in the choruses to create a nice contrast of volume and depth.

Meadowlark have released 4 EP’s (the latest one Nocturnes was only released earlier this week), and numerous singles (1 of which is a cover of Sugarbabes – About you now) I’ve listed all of the songs I could find below and highlighted my favourites:

  1. Eyes Wide
  2. Family Tree
  3. Forlorn
  4. I’ve Got You
  5. Sail Away
  6. Fly
  7. Fire
  8. Paraffin
  9. Satellite
  10. Quicksand
  11. Headlights
  12. About you now

If you’re feeling a bit stressed and need to wind down, I highly recommend this band! Check out their website and social media, and take a listen to their stuff – you wont be disappointed!

Peace and love to you all ✌💚

Worry ring story.

The other week, my mum and I were discussing my intentions of focusing on the psychological side of my mental health. I mentioned that I wanted a fidget cube, because I get very fidgety when it comes to social situations, but then she suggested that I buy a worry ring. I had never heard of one before so I had a look on the internet and researched them. Basically, for those who dont know, it’s a ring/ with at least 1 additional band around it that moves/spins. They’re also known as a spinner ring. 

They vary in prices but the best ones I could find were from Ebay (I found a really nice one,) which leads me to my story about the hassle I had to go through in order to actually receive this ring. A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from Ebay to say that my account had some unauthorised use on it so my account was frozen. I did the normal security procedure of changing my password blah blah blah, but in order to confirm this change, Ebay were going to text me a verification code. Now this is where the trouble came – I created this account about 8 years ago, for somebody else, so I used both their phone number and my old mobile number. Bizarrely, there isn’t an option (not to my knowledge anyway) of changing telephone numbers on your account so I was in a bit of a stick wicket.

I called Ebay to ask if there was anything I could do and the lady on the phone replied that they had no authorisation to change phone numbers so I’d have to create another account. At the time I thought that it was so much hassle to go through just to buy a ring, but nonetheless, I did it – and I’m so glad.

So after making a new account (with totally new email address) I purchased a ring, different to the one I saw previously. It cost £21.99 and I received it the next day. Since then, I haven’t taken it off! Here’s what it looks like:

It’s a 925 sterling silver ring and fits so snug, I forget I’m wearing it sometimes. The 3 bands in the middle (gold, silver and copper effect) spin completely around. I find that the time I use it most often is when I’m driving, or sat in a waiting room somewhere, which is where I get very anxious. The bands aren’t too loose but aren’t too tight either  and there’s something fairly satifying about spinning them. It’s not too bulky so it doesn’t catch on anything and it has a fairly decent weight to it.

I would definitely recommend this to anyone that likes to fidget with their hands because it’s so pleasing to touch. I’m very glad that I bought it, even after all the palaver beforehand! 😂 

Peace and love to you all ✌💚