As I mentioned previously, I have a general disliking to people. I think this may be because, for years, I was mentally and emotionally bullied, regularly, by some family members. I think they put me off people!
This was happening for a number of years and made me so down – about my family, about my life and more importantly, about myself. Over time, I became very withdrawn and I isolated myself from everybody, I had no motivation to even get out of bed in the morning, which wasn’t great because I had a job then. I often cried, wishing for things to be different but unfortunately, wishes don’t come true by themselves.
Things got so bad, I started to self harm. I couldn’t feel anything because my soul was so dark and numb (very deep words there) but I think it was more of a cry for help rather than to actually cause any damage to myself. My best friend at the time was so supportive and brilliant, especially considering I was awful to her but I hope she realises that it was the depression taking over. She encouraged me to seek help from the doctors – so in 2013, I did.
I went to the appointment very closed minded. The doctor prescribed me some anti-depressants and referred me to a counsellor, which didn’t help at all! I decided not to go back to the doctor because I felt they didn’t care. Instead, I sought after help in other ways. I joined groups of social media, who taught me that if you want something to change, you need to take the first step forward. That was when I decided I had to move out into my own place, and in 2014 at the age of 19, I found a flat which I am still currently living in. That was a start…