“I’m not selfish, it’s my illness.”

So the past few days have been quite bad in terms of my mood; I’ve been having a low episode. During these episodes, the inner voice in me becomes overwhelming. It tells me I’m a piece of shit and that I dont belong on this planet, which can be really dispiriting. 

This episode was particularly bad in the way that I didn’t want to speak to anyone, I didn’t want to do anything, and I genuinely felt like taking all 112 pills of my medication, and if I hadn’t got a message from my best friend, I probably would have. Which leads me to the crux of this post – my best friend.

She’s engaged! Which is crazy because we’ve been best mates since we were about 13/14. The problem with this though, is that it was announced amid my episode so I reacted so terribly, and looking back, I feel dreadful. A best friend is meant to support you and share great moments with you, but instead I just complained and spoke about me all the time (in really short, snappy sentences because, like I said, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.) For this, I am sorry, and Shann – I hope you know that I’m not selfish, it’s my illness.

It’s not every day your best mate is asked to marry the love of their life, and because I felt so bad about the previous days, I bought a card, in the hopes that it made up for the lack of enthusiasm. Here it is:

Photo courtesy of @shannonatron on Instagram (give her a follow 😉)

My episode is just about done with at the minute. I’m so glad that my childhood friend has found happiness because she is the most gracious, kind and beautiful person I know, and have ever met. She deserves it so much, and I’m honoured to be a part of it. 

Congratulations, Shann and Sean!

Peace and love ✌💚

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