During my appointment with the doctor yesterday, it was pointed out to me that medication isn’t always the answer to feeling better. Yes, it helps take the edge off, and controls chemical levels, but it is impossible for a simple pill, capsule or tablet to change your thought process. Having been prescribed near enough the maximum dosage possible, it was time to focus on the actual reasoning behind the way I feel – the psychology of it all.
So what is it that makes me cripple with anxiety? What is it that makes the voice in my brain tell me I’m worthless? There’s only one real answer to all of this – body confidence.
Anyone who knows me, or knew me while growing up, is well aware that I’m not considered a ‘normal, feminine girl’ (I mean what even is normal, right?) I’ve had issues with my weight from a very early age, I don’t wear make up (not that that makes you feminine) and I’ve never really had an interest in boys; it was always school, 6th form, work etc.
I was raised in a household where the term “you are what you are” was thrown around virtually every day. Little did I know that I would be given the look of disappointment anytime I tried to alter my body image. To anyone who thinks I’m exaggerating, I was scolded the first time I shaved my legs; that’s how ridiculous it was, nevertheless, I kept doing it anyway!
Returning to the main crux of this post, I have decided that in order to feel good about myself, I need to look good, and to do this I have set myself 3 goals to aim for:
- Start a strict diet and lose weight.
- Take care of my hair, skin and nails.
- Leave the house at least once a day – even if it’s only to take the bins out.
I have already made a start on these. The biggest achievement for me so far is the fact I have left the house everyday this week, and it’s already had an impact on my mood. I can feel a high episode coming and it feels good! In regards to number 2 on my list, I have began moisturising every morning and even had my eyebrows waxed for the first time on Wednesday (I usually pluck them. It doesn’t sound like a big deal but it makes a difference)
I bought this picture as a motivator for me to see every morning 😁
I know this is going to be a long process, but the daunting thought of how long it’s going to take is being outweighed by the thought of how happy I’ll be when I get to the body I’m comfortable in.
Peace and love to you all ✌💚