A more positive note.

Hello, dears! I know my last post was long and mundane, so I thought I’d write something more positive.

About 18 ish months ago, I found and joined a Facebook group called Women’s Advice Group – Mental Health Support. This was around the time that my mental health was bad so I thought that maybe I could gain something from the group and help with my recovery. 

I’m not in any way sexist but I think that the fact the group is for women aged 18+ only, makes me feel like I can be a little more open and wont get silly remarks from childish people. I find that women who want to help you can form one of the strongest bonds with you because 9 times of 10, they’re either going or have gone through similar struggles. 

So a couple of months ago, I saw that the admins of the group were advertising for another admin to join them. Having been in the group for a little while, I messaged them with a little bit about me and my mental health etc and lo and behold (I think that’s the saying?) I was accepted! 

I started off on a trial so that I could get a feel for what admins do and I have to say, I’ve never felt more welcome in a group before! I was excited to learn the protocols and the rules of being an admin but I was also kinda nervous – the group is a big group (circa 3,900 ish members) and I didn’t want to make a bad impression.

Part of being an admin is having to make sure all posts have the relevant trigger warnings, and to make the group a great place to be. I’d like to think I’ve made some new friends from this group (one is a penpal πŸ˜€) and hopefully, can make some more. 

I’ll leave a link to the group here but it is a closed group. If you’d like to join please don’t hesitate! There’s lots of lovely women who just want to help support those in need of it.

Peace and love to you all βœŒπŸ’š

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Disclaimer: I do not own the image I’ve used. It belongs to Women’s Advice Group – Mental Health Support. 

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Things will get better…right?

I’m going to start this post in the way that seems to be the norm lately; I’m sorry for the lack of content. When I started this blog, I was fully intending to post on a regular basis but I guess that didn’t go to plan…

Truth is, these last couple of months have been shit, to put it bluntly. I mean, life isn’t great at the best of times, but they have been shitter than shit – a big dollop of horse manure with a cherry on top, if you like. I could go on but I think you get the jist. It probably doesn’t help that I keep forgetting to take my medication. I know, but it’s easily done!

So if anyone is a regular reader of this blog (thank you if you are) you will know that in December, I moved out of my shit hole flat in Fyfield, Hampshire and into a gorgeous flat in Salisbury, Wiltshire. I loved it. I was so relieved to get into a place that wasn’t damp, cold and smelly! Mum and I moved in together and were planning all sorts; like how we would have the living room, how would we share bills/rent etc. But that didn’t go to plan either because my older brother needed a place to live, so he came along too. 

Things got tense….I mean really tense. Mainly because it was unexpected and not according to plan (as mentioned in one of my previous posts, not sticking to a plan triggers my anxiety…a lot) and this was a big ‘curve ball’. Can you imagine 3 individuals living in a 2 bed flat? It got a bit crowded, and bills were higher, and it felt like mum and I intruded on my brother’s privacy because his ‘bedroom’ was the living room. There was also the factor of our landlord not knowing he was there – clever!

Then June came along and I received a text that really set the mood for us. The text said:

“Hi Laura I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately my mum is having to sell the flat as she is going through a divorce. She has asked if she could come over on Thursday afternoon or Friday with an estate agent to value the flat & then it will be put up for sale. With regards to your tenancy we will unfortunately have to give you 2 months notice at some point in the near future. I’m really sorry x”

Great. 

Luckily, we found a 2 bed council flat that we’re waiting to be ready for us to move in to. I wont go into detail but applying for that was a polava as well!

On top of all that my brother went away at the end of July, and wont return until December time. This was a big hit for me. Going from sibling banter everyday to maybe one phone call a week is big difference. It actually makes me feel quite lonely, even though I still have mum and Leo, it’s not quite the same as your sibling, you know? 

Anyway, sorry this has been a long post. If you managed to read all of it then I applaud you! I’ll try and post more often but for now – peace and love to you all βœŒπŸ’š

“I’m not selfish, it’s my illness.”

So the past few days have been quite bad in terms of my mood; I’ve been having a low episode. During these episodes, the inner voice in me becomes overwhelming. It tells me I’m a piece of shit and that I dont belong on this planet, which can be really dispiriting. 

This episode was particularly bad in the way that I didn’t want to speak to anyone, I didn’t want to do anything, and I genuinely felt like taking all 112 pills of my medication, and if I hadn’t got a message from my best friend, I probably would have. Which leads me to the crux of this post – my best friend.

She’s engaged! Which is crazy because we’ve been best mates since we were about 13/14. The problem with this though, is that it was announced amid my episode so I reacted so terribly, and looking back, I feel dreadful. A best friend is meant to support you and share great moments with you, but instead I just complained and spoke about me all the time (in really short, snappy sentences because, like I said, I didn’t want to talk to anyone.) For this, I am sorry, and Shann – I hope you know that I’m not selfish, it’s my illness.

It’s not every day your best mate is asked to marry the love of their life, and because I felt so bad about the previous days, I bought a card, in the hopes that it made up for the lack of enthusiasm. Here it is:

Photo courtesy of @shannonatron on Instagram (give her a follow πŸ˜‰)

My episode is just about done with at the minute. I’m so glad that my childhood friend has found happiness because she is the most gracious, kind and beautiful person I know, and have ever met. She deserves it so much, and I’m honoured to be a part of it. 

Congratulations, Shann and Sean!

Peace and love βœŒπŸ’š

My comfort box.

I have just finished compiling bits for my comfort box and wanted to share it all with you. Maybe it can inspire you to make your own. I’d love to think that this post inspires somebody else to create a comfort box to help them through potentially bad days.

What is a comfort box? I hear you ask. Well, for those who aren’t sure, it is a box in which you put items that calm or relax you when you’re feeling down, or having a bad day, or just generally struggling with life. You can put any items in it, such as:

  • Favourite chocolate
  • Favourite film
  • Activities
  • Photos 
  • Candles etc

So this is what my comfort box looks like:-

It includes:-

  • 2 lavender candles
  • 4 photos that mean the world to me
  • Incense
  • Sudoku puzzle book
  • Paper to doodle on
  • Pencil case full of coloured pens
  • Wispa Gold hot chocolate
  • One of my favourite mugs
  • A home made CD with some of my favourite songs on; and
  • Some inspirational/motivational quotes.

I think this will be something that I’ll add to. For example, I’m thinking of adding my Psychoville DVDs but I’m not sure yet.

I figured that I cant always rely on medication or doctors to help me feel better. It must start with myself first. 

Peace and love to you all ✌❀

My battle with depression – part 1.

This is the excerpt for a placeholder post. It can be deleted, or edited to make it your own.

As I mentioned previously, I have a general disliking to people. I think this may be because, for years, I was mentally and emotionally bullied, regularly, by some family members. I think they put me off people!

This was happening for a number of years and made me so down – about my family, about my life and more importantly, about myself. Over time, I became very withdrawn and I isolated myself from everybody, I had no motivation to even get out of bed in the morning, which wasn’t great because I had a job then. I often cried, wishing for things to be different but unfortunately, wishes don’t come true by themselves.

Things got so bad, I started to self harm. I couldn’t feel anything because my soul was so dark and numb (very deep words there) but I think it was more of a cry for help rather than to actually cause any damage to myself. My best friend at the time was so supportive and brilliant, especially considering I was awful to her but I hope she realises that it was the depression taking over. She encouraged me to seek help from the doctors – so in 2013, I did.

I went to the appointment very closed minded. The doctor prescribed me some anti-depressants and referred me to a counsellor, which didn’t help at all! I decided not to go back to the doctor because I felt they didn’t care. Instead, I sought after help in other ways. I joined groups of social media, who taught me that if you want something to change, you need to take the first step forward. That was when I decided I had to move out into my own place, and in 2014 at the age of 19, I found a flat which I am still currently living in. That was aΒ start…

#mentalhealth #depression